Shanghai-able
by Palaven Blues
Summary: Just some silliness for my crew over at Afterlife VIP. Self-insert adventures nominally set in the ME universe.


"I _haaaate_ those fancy dress-up parties," Amber grumbled, pulling her earrings out the moment she was out of the skycar. The earrings were teardrops, like the ones everyone else wore, each in their namesake stones and colors. Amber's matched the rich golden hue of her dress and hair.

"_You_ hate them? They forced me into a dress!" Emerald replied. Her gown was the color of her eyes and namesake, brilliantly contrasted with the pale, flawless skin and long black hair braided and tied into some kind of updo. She and Amber were leading the first group back to their manse, while the second group was still rubbing elbows at the fundraiser/client contact party.

"Everyone had to wear a dress, Em, that's how it works," Amethyst told her, not for the first time. Violet eyes and violet dress should have clashed with the red curls that hung in waves to her waist, but somehow, they didn't.

"But you forced me into mine!"

"And a good time was had by all," Jet quipped, closing the car door behind Turquoise. The girls giggled. Seeing Amethyst pin Emerald to the ground and wriggle her naked form into formal wear was a lot like giving a cat a bath; everyone got wet.

Turquoise sang quietly as they made their way up the intricate stone-laid path to the front door. She had to take small steps to accommodate the sea-blue mermaid dress, a color she had painstaking matched to both her eyes and the streaks in her chestnut hair.

"Tur, dear, your voice is bloody intoxicating," Em murmured. She fidgeted while Amber coded in the key to open their oversized front door, a clever fabrication that _looked_ like rich wood paned with stained glass, but was actually nearly-impenetrable steel. The door opened and all four girls sighed in unison. They were home.

The moment Amber set foot inside, Amethyst pushed past her.

"Last one into the hot tub –" she called.

"— doesn't get any boobs!" Emerald finished, racing.

Turquoise, being unable to run in her dress, was the first one out of hers, leaving it in a pile of silk the second she'd closed the door. She had to hop over the trail of shoes and clothes that led up the cerulean-carpeted staircase.

"Shouldn't have worn the mermaid one," she muttered, forgetting that all her evening gowns had a similar cut. She burst through the door to the hot-tub room – really, it was a giant indoor/outdoor heated pool – and crashed into her girls, causing them all to fall into the tub at once.

"No last one in," Amethyst said.

"Never leave your girls behind," Amber added.

"Boobs for everyone!" Emerald shouted. "Where's my bloody champagne?"

#

Jade, Citrine, and Topaz were just climbing into the second aircar, Kovar holding the door for them; the rest of the girls were staying at the party a little later. Jade hung back until Citrine and Topaz were in the car so she could run her hands across Kovar's abs, barely hidden by the formal suit.

"Enough," he growled. "You know what it does to me already when you dress like that."

"This old thing?" Jade look down and twirled. The green dress was cut low in the front and high on the sides; when she spun it nearly showed everything.

"Get in the damn car so I can get you home," he ordered. Jade bent to climb into the car and he smacked her ass, sending her into laps of nearly-matching orange shimmery fabric. Citrine and Topaz laughed and helped Jade find her seat.

"Can't think. Can't eat. All the girls, all the time," Kovar muttered to himself as he made his way to the driver's seat. He tried to ignore the sounds coming from the back of the car, tried not to imagine what they were doing already. "Jet, you copy?"

"_Yeah."_ Jet's voice through the comm was resigned.

"They in the hot tub already?" Kovar guessed.

"_I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't for the giggling. They're always giggling behind closed doors, and … doing stuff. Emerald demanded champagne, answered the door naked, then slammed it in my face, yelling at me."_

"_Are you complaining again, Jet?" _Em yelled.

"_Shit, I gotta go."_

"We'll be there in five, buddy. Hang tight."

#

The blue-eyed blond sighed as he cut off the comms. Shrieks and giggles came through the door behind him. Why they even needed him to watch the door, he didn't know; he was skilled, but any one of them could take him apart and put him back together before he could make a move. Besides, no one besides the girls, him, and Kovar could get in.

"Kovar, hurry your ass up, I'm … bored," Jet told the comms.

"_We're here, I'm just not inside yet. Are we on fucking lockdown?"_

"No? Why would we – let me ask." Jet curled one fist and slammed it against door of the no-boys-allowed room. "Amethyst, are we on lockdown?"

"What? Why would we – _shit!"_ Amethyst kept up a steady stream of whispered swears, overlaid with the sound of water splashing. A moment later, he could hear the others flying out of the tub.

"We're in trouble, Kovar," Jet announced.

#

Amethyst led her team out to the loft hallway overlooking the great hall and stairs. In under thirty seconds, the four of them had donned towels and weapons. Amber held a shotgun loosely, Turquoise had a death grip on her pistols, Emerald had a short recurve bow, and Amethyst had a dagger in each hand, ready to cut someone. She signaled to Emerald, who snuck to the edge to peer down into the hall.

"Suns. At least thirty," she breathed. The other three nodded and shifted their grips on their weapons. They were ready.

"Kovar," Amethyst whispered into her comm.

"_We're here, Ame. Downstairs. This floor is clear."_

"Thirty-plus Suns on our floor. I think there's entirely too much light in here."

"_The girls are on their way, coming through the kitchen. As for the lights –"_

The girls were thrown into pitch-blackness; the windows weren't even real windows at all, but lighted panels. The Suns below them started to mutter. That was the thing about complete lack of light; no matter how good your night vision was, being suddenly plunged into no light at all was generally a Bad Thing.

"Sparkle, girls."

The first Sun screamed close to the kitchen door, then Emerald _et al_ were dropping onto them from above.

#

Citrine

The house was full of Blue Suns, and her girls had gotten out of the bath before she'd gotten home.

She had missed the hot tub party.

This would not stand.

Citrine kicked the kitchen door open, smiling when she heard the dual-toned scream as it hit someone. Jade and Topaz were right behind her; her other girls had not yet come downstairs. The field was clear for the moment. She reached one hand through the thigh-slit in her dress, and from her holster pulled a handful of flat throwing knives.

"You made me miss boobs," she whispered. Her knives whisked through the air, each one flying straight to its target though she couldn't see them. The sharp tang of blood filled the air, overlaying the other scents as her girls dropped to the floor. Four girls had been upstairs, and she heard four sets of armor clatter to the ground as her girls landed on Suns. Good.

One of the turians, smelling like cinnamon and gun-oil, came close; Citrine felt the air move as he reached for her and she danced back. She had dropped four of them already, but now the room was full of her own girls and it was more difficult to throw knives. She drew back to throw another, and paused. She scented cherry blossom; that was Amethyst. Honey; that was Amber. She knew her girls intimately, they all did; it was why she sensed eight Suns down while none of her team had been touched yet. Still, she hesitated. Everyone was moving so fast and she was blind. She couldn't risk it. She dropped the excess knives so that she held one in each hand and jumped into the melee. She would not let her girls down.

Emerald

Emerald had been forced to drop her bow. There was no point in trying to shoot in the dark. She drew from her perfectly coifed hair what had looked like a hairpin and was actually a stiletto. She would have to be careful not to twist to the side, but if she was careful she could put inconvenient holes into these intruders. How dare they come here and attack her sisters?

She heard no gunfire as she dropped from the balcony, landing on some unfortunate fucker's helmet. She knew all her sisters must have also switched to bladed weapons.

The Sun she'd landed on started to get up, and the stiletto plunged; straight in, straight out.

"Try that, tosser," she muttered. Something was wrong. Her stiletto didn't seem to go far enough, and the Sun she'd stabbed was getting up already. She reached to stab him again, and her arm stretched out before her like taffy. "Ame?" Her voice wavered; she was starting to panic. Where was Amethyst, she'd know what to do ….

Amethyst

"Ohhh shiiiit," Amethyst muttered. They had been doing well, she'd thought. Everyone was moving quickly. They'd taken out twelve of the enemy, by her count. But now there were more, again. Either they were getting back up, or more were pouring in. Time slowed down and ran like melted crayon.

_Drugged, we're drugged. There are no humans on their team. They were waiting to attack until we were all out._ She tried to call out to her girls, tried to warn them, but her mouth was full of caramel. She heard a few distressed cries as they were each caught.

Gloved talons grabbed her arm and she swung back with her blade; if she could get one, just one of the fuckers that had assaulted their home. But the blade moved too slowly. The turian moved like a shadow figment, plucking the knife out of her hands and backhanding her across the face.

It should have hurt. When a turian smacks you while wearing full armor, it should hurt. Amethyst felt only a pleasant buzzing in her lip as she went down. She thought Topaz and maybe Turquoise were still on their feet, but she couldn't be sure. Her eyelids melted shut before she could confirm it.


End file.
